I Bet He’ll Have Dark Eyes

I read this from the TODAY.com website:

“‘I feel like that was heartbreaking to hear, that she felt like she was in her own family — her own family thought differently of her,’ Jenna said.”

This was a reference to Meghan Markle’s interview with Oprah and how there were concerns about the would-be color of Archie’s skin. Meghan didn’t say who within the royal family said it, but you can safely assume that there wouldn’t be “concerns” if Meghan were not biracial. I think we can all agree that we can celebrate differences, but sometimes, implicit biases make people say or do things that might make one pause.

What I Still Remember From 4+ Years Ago

Sometimes it’s not about what someone said, but about how they made you feel.

In a sing-song voice, “I bet he’ll have dark eyes!” I smiled politely and said I agreed. After all, my family hails from SE Asia, and I have dark eyes. Though the comment was said innocently enough, I was a little put-off because of the sing-song aspect and the fact that this wasn’t the first time I’d heard it from this individual.

And later, “I bet he’ll have dark hair!” I nodded and smiled again. I have dark hair and so does Dr. H; genetics might throw a curveball, but yes, our son will probably have dark hair.

Sigh. No one “bet” anything about the offspring of the Caucasian couples. There was no, “I bet they’ll have blue eyes!” None of the, “I bet they’ll have brown hair!” I’ll be darned if someone had said, “I bet they’ll have white skin!”

Essentially, all of my insecurities about my physical appearance in a predominantly white-Caucasian community came to light: dark eyes/hair/skin are inferior to the lighter shades. This is the implicit bias.

I hate that I feel this way sometimes. It’s not that individual’s fault (I actually received a phone call with an apology, that brown eyes and black hair are beautiful too). But when I read that sentence from Jenna Bush Hager, I was like, “Oh my goodness, I identify.”

H has lighter skin than I do, but there’s no mistaking he’s part Asian.

A has dark brown hair with some lighter brown highlights, but if you looked at her, she’s my mini-me.

Dear Lord, I hope my children are more confident in themselves and what they look like than I ever did.

-M